ugh so nervous for tomorrow… so naturally i wrote a haiku:
blisters and french twists
backstage alive with chaos
where is the hairspray?!
i’m trying to rehearse a monologue here, why do you insist on cutting off my recordings at fourteen seconds?!
- i talked to lots of people that made me happy today
- it rained on my birthday!
- vegan brownies!!
- remembering that life is cool
- to my dismay, i discovered i accidentally put my sorbet back in the fridge instead of the freezer last night… well shucks
- ballet rehearsals till 8:30/9:00ish every night this week
- new pair of pointe shoes = blisters galore
i just wrote a really long text post about life (more like: WHAT IS LIFE?!?!?!) and then i deleted it.
#liveblogging of speech writing resumes
#cora liveblogs the writing of a five minute speech for ASB
i want to join the peace corps or volunteer at roots for peace or habitat for humanity or anywhere i get to go somewhere and directly help people
my friend and i made these, and they were delicious (taking into account that everything might be delicious at two in the morning) :
- strawberry green tea smoothie- we brewed some tea, let it cool in the freezer, then blended it with frozen strawberries, lemon juice, sugar, and some ice cubes
- sweet popcorn- we popped the popcorn with olive oil, and then lightly salted it and also lightly sugared it
- went back on facebook
- remembered it was lame
I WANT TO UNDERSTAND.
So do I :D
WHAT IS IT?
Maybe it’s the Doctor. He’s looking for his fans, and when this post stops having notes, he’ll takes us all in the Tardis.
let it be noted i am blindly and willingly following commands.
when your mom let’s you stay out past curfew and drive yourself home late at night because she is overjoyed that you have discovered possibilities other than pleasure reading and early bed times on friday nights.
but actually woa
i deactivated my facebook and did five hours of research/work and didn’t go on tumblr until now… SUCCESS!
i really really like you.
and maybe you think i am talking about the range of human emotion, or certain acts of cruelty, or the apparent inevitability of human ignorance, but nope: i am talking about facebook poking wars. i just don’t understand.
i definitely see a difference between asking ‘how are you doing’ and asking ‘how are you’
how am i doing? …i guess i am doing well.
how am i? …i am a little mad, actually. yeah i just realized that i am mad.
- i’m tired
- i’m hungry
- i’m cold
- what time is class over
- can i have some binder paper
- what’s today’s date
- when’s lunch
- fuck this shit
AND THEN SOMETIMES THE DAY LITERALLY DISAPPEARS AND ALL I DO IS EAT AND READ AND EAT AND READ AND ALL OF A SUDDEN IT’S ELEVEN OCLOCK AND I’M SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD GET SHIT DONE WHERE IN THE HECK DID THE WHOLE DAY GO
sometimes on sundays i’m productive and do homework and shower and make my lunch and do laundry and go to bed at a decent hour.
i haven’t listened to the radio in months, i just keep burning myself CD’s instead…
so today i went to itunes and thought i would humor myself by checking out the top ten, and, sure enough, i’ve only heard two of them.
and so i cried for about twelve seconds and then i let go of all emotion, reminding myself how selfish i am, how stupid, how naive. i keep noticing how selfish i am, and i only hope that i won’t stop noticing, because i can’t bear the thought of myself being permanently caught up in all of these petty, insignificant matters, failing to recognize how fortunate i am. i must always remember that i am alive, and that there is always joy to be found in that simple fact.
if you could refrain from senseless insults,
stop talking about everyone as soon as they walk away,
avoid the constant degradation of the beings around you,
eliminate the automatic assumption that everyone is inferior,
then maybe you will find a happier you.
if you could smile at someone,
appreciate the humans around you,
offer to help,
care about something other than your own character,
then maybe you will find a happier community.
(an excerpt from my journal in Nicaragua)
At the orphanage, the plan was to take a tour and then buddy up with a kid to play with. But right when we got there, this one girl ran right up to me with a little blue helicopter so the two of us just left the group to play in the grass. I only understood a quarter of what she said to me, and i spoke with a vocabulary of about eight verbs and thirty words, but we had so much fun. I asked her what her name was about five times but i couldn’t understand her, so in my head she is the girl with the little blue helicopter. She was so adorable and somewhat sassy but mostly just happy for attention. We played together, the two of us, in our own little world for three hours.
The orphanage is run/funded by a Christian organization, so at one point we had to go to a mass. She could not have been less engaged. The entire time she was talking to me, dancing, or playing with her little blue helicopter. Afterward, we played on the swing set and at one point an airplane flew over and she got so excited, shouting one of the few words i understood: “un avion! un avion!”
My emotions were all over the place when we had to leave. Here’s this little girl, who i don’t even know her name, living with almost nothing, and i’m about to go back to marin county, with so much, and i’m probably never going to see her again. I was actually crying on the bus ride back to cantera. I don’t care about AP Physics, i don’t care about mulitvariable calculus, or ASB, or ballet, or history class, or PYC, all i care about is the girl with the little blue helicopter whose name i do not know.
She was so curious, so totally aware of everything. She was intrigued by my water bottle’s straw, captivated by the little blue helicopter’s spinning blade, and when that airplane flew over, she was so totally enthralled by the possibility of flight.
I just don’t know what I’m going to do at this point. No, wait, false. I do know. I am going to help people because although i claim to hate people, and i claim to be utterly and perpetually frustrated by them, in the end i love people, for they are so fascinating and beautiful, like the girl with the little blue helicopter.
it’s your body, you can do whatever the hell you want.
i’m really confused as to why i used to be morally opposed to tattoos… i mean i personally won’t ever get one, but why would i ever care that someone else does?
just woke up after passing out fully clothed in business casual— laminated name tag and all.
i am thoroughly sleep deprived but so far it’s been a fun weekend of caucuses and UN jokes. more to come from UNEP tomorrow, but the resolution we (Somalia) sponsored passed today, so that’s a plus!
on monday i was asked what something i am proud of is.
and i said my blog.
not my fourteen year dedication to ballet, nor my 4.0 grade point average, but my blog.
and oddly i’m okay with that.
- friend: how far have you gone with a boy
- me: in miles or kilometers