inevitably eager

i am physically and emotionally (and spiritually?) incapable of starting work before 9:00pm at the earliest

i got bored of being online and avoiding homework, so i started making lists.

making lists is something i’m good at, and take pleasure in.

so now i present a list of lists i made:

• a grocery list
• a list of my to-do’s before school’s out
• a list of my to-do’s before school starts in the fall
• a list of books i’ve read this year
• a list of books i want to read this year
• a list of places i want to go
• a bucket list
• a list of things i want to do for my kids
• a list of possible senior quotes
• and now i have a list of the lists i made

if someone tattooed a whole bunch of math equations on his or her arm, what would happen on the day of a test? would the teacher make him or her wear a long sleeve shirt or what

i’m ready to decide to be happy.

i don’t know why, but finally i’ve reached that point. because for a while i kept thinking about how (obviously) everything is in your head and you can simply choose to be happy (there’s a quote i saw somewhere that was “whenever i start feeling sad, i stop feeling sad and start being awesome”) and even though i knew this, there was this weird thing where i didn’t want to yet. but finally i do and so now i am happy.

and now i am considering deleting this post because it is pointless but no i guess i will publish it so that my blog will still have written words and not get swallowed whole by my excessive reblogging and absence of personal thought

it’s one of those fuck-everyone-and-everything-but-i’m-so-selfish-but-also-i-just-got-my-SAT-scores-so-id-rather-be-under-a-rock-than-in-a-public-space-such-as-highschool outfits

anticipation

hope turns to dissapointment

my SAT scores

aka i have to apply to schools

aka i have to choose schools

aka i have to find schools i like

and i’m just like

8 pieces.

you have got to be kidding me.

and less sad music and more peanut butter and everyone is generally happier

you obviously love oreos

honestly sometimes in school people say the most ridiculous shit and I make this face and look somewhere at an imaginary camera like I’m on The Office

• acknowledges her phone needs to be charged
• walks over to charger and places phone next to it
• comes back hour later
• *facepalm*

maybe it’s an accomplishment, maybe there’s some satisfaction. it’s definitely not happy, though, but not exactly sad; it’s more of a melancholy feeling, because something that you have been a part of is now over. a dull thud accompanies the closing of the back cover, you look up, and you are immediately overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness. you didn’t realize how much you were enjoying the company of the characters until the pages had run out. and there you sit, on the couch, all by yourself, with the weight of an entire world in your hand, completely alone. 

 everyone is falling apart

including me, it feels like.

this is surprisingly calming, because, after all, nothing really matters

singdanceactlove:

when I see you I can’t help but think that time is limited and I am just wasting it by being passive. 

how surprising 

“Letter from a Birmingham Jail” i think may be my favorite required reading of this year. we read it english a while ago and now we are studying the civil rights movement in history, and i remembered it so i read it again. mlk your brilliance astounds me. 

you know those times when you spend all day studying for ap physics and then you take a practice test and you get 14 out of 35 correct and then you just want to sleep forever and eat mexican food never go to school

Yesterday, Mary Jamis and her partner joined eight other gay and lesbian couples to seek a marriage license at the Register of Deeds office in Winston-Salem. Although the other couples left the office after being denied, Jamis and a straight friend of hers who joined the protest chose to remain behind and refuse to leave until Jamis was given her constitutional right to marry the person she loves. This was the result:

This is at least the third time a North Carolina woman was arrested simply for insisting upon her constitutional right to be free from marriage discrimination. Last fall, a lesbian couple who had been together for 30 years were arrested after seeking a marriage license in Asheville, NC.

your atoms are just arranged so perfectly…

“omg how do you know if someone is vegan— they’ll tell you! hahahhaha omg s0 tRu3 lololol im so funnnyy hahaha” 

yeah sorry i’m vocal about something i care about and would rather be bragging about saving lives and limiting suffering than bragging about a bacon weave on top of bacon flavored ice cream covered in some bacon with a side of bacon which by the way is a dead animal so i really don’t understand wherethat pride comes from 

don’t fail me now.

a) that’s the worst analogy ever

b) i do what i want

&c) my sluggishness is one hundred percent justified— i have an ap calc test tomorrow sorry i can’t be a perfect child right now plus all i can think about is not the dishwasher

d) i can’t believe i just wrote all that ^^ i am being so selfish right now i am a terrible person

should i give up? or should i just keep wasting canvas, even if it leads no where…

the undercooked broccoli, my mother’s Alice 97.3 radio station that is playing slightly too loudly, the trash can that’s too full, the half of a meatloaf sitting on the counter, the weight i’ve gained, my brother’s speech impediment, the make up i need to take off my face, the fact that everyone at the dinner table is eating dead animals, my pile of dirty laundry, but most of all my unrequited total and utter longing for something so unattainable. 

• finish chocolate bar
• listen to joni mitchell
• study for ap calc test
• study for ap physics test
• fret about ap english test
• do history homework
• do english homework
• tend to personal hygiene and emotional sanity 
• write yet another post about how my main activities are food and emotions

• what’s the homework
• also fuck you

and this time i had to choose between going for a run and eating a burrito 

(do i even have to say that mexican cuisine by default trumps all physical activity?)